Reflections Of A Desi Mom

                                                                          I cannot believe it has been 2 years and some that I last wrote here..  Life changed so much since! I think in the attempt to catch up and on I wasn't able to gather thoughts & time together to sit and write. Have always been big on emotions.. the smallest thing with the biggest impact! And with so much happening in the last 2 years... It's hard to keep up.  I know quite a few of you kept liking my FB/Instagram posts that shared small and big changes that we as a family came across - but motherhood I feel wasn't best captured in those few lines and pictures. N has given me a hard time asking why I don't write and follow my passion anymore.. And honestly there's no excuse. So here I am...

  As I watched many reels of saying goodbye to 2022 and made a couple of my own it practically dawned on me that this year is coming to an end in just few more hours.  It was a year of enormous change for me as a person and us as a family. Even though we moved to another country in late 2021 the side effects trickled down to the beginning of 2022. It became a struggle to survive socially, emotionally and we all were a beginning to feel the twinge of covid + move + all the seasonal depression times 3! We had started to almost give up when came summer and just like the trees around us were filled with bounty our hearts were filled with joy and started to feel a lot less lighter. The sunlight, the long drives together, the fun and laughter with family visits, the innumerable dips in the pool helped us to see the country in a different light altogether. And just like that in the middle of all the chaos came the idea of moving AGAIN! But something had snapped inside. And it had mad...

  This week we completed 8 months of relocating to a different country. So much has changed yet so much remains the same! This is 1 thought that I cannot brush off when I think about life after moving.  I wanted to write so much from so long but was extremely emotional about everything. I knew if I started to write I would break down inconsolably which was the last thing I wanted to do with a pre-teen daughter who has been on a roller coaster ride since the beginning of this move. Now that so much time has passed I have accepted the change. As many of you know we wanted to make this move pre-covid but as luck would have it, it got delayed for the longest time and the visa interview opened up just when I  was about to give up. I think only 2 people were 100% sure that this move will happen. One was my friend A and none other than N. And see how the stars aligned for N's ichcha-shakti (wishful thinking) we got our appointment date on the date when A was making her big move!...

                                                      I don't even remember after how long I am writing here... Have been sharing snippets of the big journey that we undertook but it was not the same.  It's not that I hadn't started writing earlier.. but every time I started, my fingers used to start trembling and throat choking after few lines in on the notepad... Making this big a transition was not easy for me...I hope someday I can share about my journey some day... but today is not that.  Today is an extended happiness post! 🥳                            N's birthday is a festival for me as most of you know it.. And be it scorching heat or lockdown or a new country - festival pe decoration and few surprises to bante hain!  Few months back when N was missing India ho...

  How long..and How much?  As I wrapped up today after sharing a video of beautiful memories of me with my friends.. and saw so many social media pictures of people having friendship day in-person parties - my heart was filled with so many emotions.  When I saw my 10 yr old smiling at her bestie on yet another video chat..trying to play a game of Roblox with both her Masi and BFF..without much success.. I felt even more sad... When I wiped tears from her big black eyes on her belated birthday celebration also being cancelled .... I just couldn't control my own.. At one time when she used to sit with me making friendship bands and then go buy small friendship day accessories for me, her dad and her friends.. And now - she didn't even ask again if she could go buy stuff... She knew she wasn't going to meet her friends anyways.... All this because of - NO - NOT just the Pandemic! But because of "FOOLS" who refuse to wear their MASKS properly while not alone. These so...

Last month this time when we are basking in the cheer of celebrating N's birthday over a zoom call with family and close friends.. little did we think next month this time a similar zoom call will bring us together to say goodbye to a loved one. A virtual condolence meet. 😔 There are not enough curse words for this disease but alas that doesn't put together broken hearts.  Neither does it wipe the uncontrollable tears of family members, nor does it console helpless family members sitting miles away from each other.  From the time when people used to travel hours together to be with their loved ones during difficult times of death and loss, we have come to the point where all we can do is see and hear them over screens ...barely controlling the urge to go and hold them close & console them with all our might. Just in the hope of reducing a little bit of hurt and pain. But this disease has taken away that basic privilege from us too. 😢 Not able to be present physically dur...

I wonder if there ever will be a birthday of N's when I won't be beyond exhausted and feel hungover for almost 2 days in a row!! J has stopped wondering!!!! LOL He just knows.. 😜 This year when I brought up the idea to combat lockdown blues on her birthday, he was instantly on board and i could see relief on his face.. Bas now it will get done and I don't have to do lift my finger from my keyboard was perhaps going on in his mind..  🙄 May began with another lockdown in the city thanks to ever rising covid cases and N started loosing hope that she will be able to have friends over.. but after all she is a child and she stored some hope in the back of her heart..hidden. But later she realized that we are struggling to get appointments for vaccines and till we don't get - we just need to keep behaving like Rapunzel locked up in our homes - being safe! Few days before her birthday I heard her telling her BFF - R - "I don't think I can call u or S (another BFF) fo...