When I applied for my PTO few months back it was supposed to hang out with N and spend time with her. With barely 1 good month of summer holidays she has lot of stuff that she wants to do on her own that may or may not involve me. When I realized she doesn’t want to go to downtown and do the usual spiel that i like to do every odd summer i took off on my own.
Yes it was a solo mini one day trip to the City of Chicago.
If there’s anything I like more than being in Ahmedabad or Pune, India now - I think it is to roam around in Chicago downtown.
I started after a doctor’s appointment with J dropping me to catch the 1:30 pm metra.
Found some aunties finding each other and chatting like they used to on trains and buses in India and thought “oh, I need sometime to be with my thoughts I am probably better off away from the group. After boarding the train I found myself in a very warm compartment where the windows kept making the compartment hotter with every passing minute. The warmth in there put me at rest and I wanted to doze off but traveling alone on the Metra was not the best place to take a nap. Guess who was sitting opposite to me and made me feel comfortable to close my eyes a little bit? The same group of hispanic aunties chattering the afternoon away after a hectic first half of the day. I felt at ease.. I knew they have a strong sense of helping another fellow traveller just like i have seen that in my younger days with Indian aunties. I quickly corrected myself and taught myself a little lesson in more tolerance. Happy with my thoughts I got back to getting soaked in the city vibe soon..
Walking a good measure of steps after getting off at Union station brought back good old memories. Memories when I first came to downtown chicago after moving to the burbs here and that made me feel cozy, and at home in spite of so much chaos going on around. Then, we used to drive to the city find a parking and then roam around for few hours before heading back in rush hour traffic on the freeway. Then, I used to be a tourist and used to think how would it feel to come to the city like a resident here? How will it be to just come walking and sit by the river and enjoy a good margarita. Today I am that Chicagoland resident who comes to the city solo to get lost in the crowd. My itinerary was not a lot but it definitely covered somethings that I hadn’t in the past. Neither did I ever go to the heart of any city alone.. but here I was soaking up the city atmosphere with every fibre of my being!
Cultural centre was beautiful and it calmed down my nerves. the beautiful art on those little pieces put together was a reminder that anything pretty takes a lot of hard effort and resilience to build. These things take their sweet time and one has to be patient enough while working on it to be able to see the beauty in its entirety.
A walk down the riverwalk on a warm weather day was soo pleasant and so much my body needed since last year.. as i kept getting close to the crowded Adams street I kept feeling more energetic and more lost in the whole vibe.
Getting down on river walk and seeing the river up close was breathtaking - i know it is not a very clean and pleasant smell and i heard kids saying i smell fish when got close the river but i loved it. Got myself a tiny table on the river side at the Chicago Brew House and even though the lunch didn’t taste as great as i hoped - i enjoyed every moment of it. Enjoyed being there, under those fleeting white clouds and sun shining every time it didn’t play hide and seek with the clouds, and stared at me from in between the elegantly standing buildings. The glistening water reminded me of some happy memories i couldn’t point out to and the slow sips of iced tea helped calm my nervous system that was working in over drive.
When the boats and ferries drove by with enthusiastic passengers waving at us sitting and enjoying a lazy afternoon, i am not sure who was watching whom? It was almost reassuring that you are not alone in this city, you have a ton of people around you. Some travelers, some city dwellers, some showing off their city to their parents from back home. There was a group of people that belonged to each category and the thing that was binding all of us there. It took me 4 years from becoming a tourist to a city dweller.. as I watched and made way for the runners there - I thought to myself - perhaps soon i will be one of those runners sweeping my way through the crowded riverwalk one day!
The one thing that struck out to me was the myriad of people i saw in the city that day. Its never boring and never different, but i was soaking it all up that day just doing my observations while being a solo traveller there. The elderly quietly made their way to their next stop walking slow and relaxed steps. The younger generation had their necks ducked in their phones with ears covered with big headphones kind of immune to the chaos in the city. They were blocking out the entire noise around them blocking their sensories to the one thing that attracts me to the city vibe. The Chaos - The Noise - The constant presence of life! I wonder how closing out the noise helps but then it’s just old school me. I also noticed a lot of dogs in the city - perhaps mostly because those are the reels that N keeps sending me these days. Just like all kinds of people there were all kinds of dogs. But unlike humans their dogs didn’t have the free will to stop for a chai or coffee on the riverwalk or chat with a fellow dog traveller without being pulled with their big leashes. It was kinda sad and amusing at the same time.
While walking to see the Centennial fountain I kept loosing my path as my GPS couldn’t figure out if I was on the upper or lower level of the river walk. Man that was exhausting. Especially the spiral stairs on the river bed freaked me out. I braved the steps after I saw a group of 10 people climbing up, but my vertigo was about to trigger by the last step. And that’s when my very dysfunctional map told me i had to climb down those steps again! No way i was gonna climb them down so i walked the whole block to find a set of decent concrete steps to go down because there was no way i was gonna go back from the city without completing that part of my itinerary that day. And did i say yet how much it was worth it? When i saw the big mouth spitting out the giant sprig of water across the river I knew it was all worth it. The rainbow it created brought a smile on my face and both lasted long after the big arch of water went back to rest.
I sat down on the steps without caring about the germs, the travelers, the dogs, the air whooshing by and it was sooo soothing and i loved every moment of it. Of course i had no agenda other than just roaming around after - and no body accompanying me to ask - how long are we gonna sit here? So i just sat there shifting my gaze between the fountain and the people enjoying the fountain. Including the labradors and the kids in all shapes and sizes and the girl with long hair forcing her brother/boyfriend to make a tiktok video… I saw it all and yet the water was the most beautiful thing i saw and experienced that day. I didn’t realize i was this close to the starting of Route 66 near Navy Pier. But walking towards that was like walking way from riverwalk which almost felt the wrong thing to do. So instead i turned back and found my way to the beginning of the river walk.
For a person scared of heights the up and down the stairs near the river was triggering an uneasy feeling but i pushed through.
While walking back found Indian Chai with Cardamom and Ginger and just had to sit somewhere on the river and drink it hot. As I sat down cross legged enjoying my hot cuppa my thoughts wandered to the homeless sitting around Sabarmati river trying to have 1 meal a day with a dry bun and some chai. Felt so grateful that i was able to enjoy that solace in the crowd in pleasure and not need or hunger.
Sitting there watching parents taking selfies and pictures even as little babies got uncomfortable in their strollers made me think of priorities.. how we have different priorities and how some partners oblige irrespective on how uncomfortable the child is. I am not sure how would I feel if i was getting my picture taken then but again - i think i am more of an old school mom .. live by the conventional ways ..
Having tagged myself old school - I find myself being a hypocrite. as my old school mom would never go and roam around in the city alone. She and few other people also asked me how i enjoy going to these places alone and how I want to roam around such a crowded place solo. But i felt it came very naturally to me. After having these ideas being rejected many times by family and inability to make plans with fellow mom friends - i realized i am on my own in more ways than i like it. When i found myself just standing there on the upper level of the river walk watching the hundreds of people - walk, eat, chat, roam, run and yet feel happy to be there - i knew my soul probably is happier alone than it is in unwanted or ungrateful company. I would rather be around hoards of strangers and not speak a word than around people whom i don’t have anything to talk to anymore!
As the clock ticked and sun begin to set - my practical brain said to start heading towards union station but the little girl in me didn’t want to leave. She wanted to sit longer near the water, soak up a little more vibe than go back home just yet. So i found a cozy spot on one of the steps of the riverwalk and joined so many people just enjoying their Monday evening like i was. An Indian senior citizen couple chatting and walking back happily holding hands…A lady enjoying a bubble machine spitting out thousands of bubbles that kept gleaming colors in dusk…Dog walkers… Female friends groups of all ages… I knew they found their partners in crime and their laughter echoed long past they moved on…..The group of college girls clicking selfies and each other’s pictures….I could totally see N do that in few years….The ombre lights that gleamed on the leaves as much as the Britannica rustic building made the whole place glow like golden liquid flowing through the river….. I just sat there with my heartbeats going calm….my breathing going easy and thoughts reverberating with the ripples being caused in the river.
The chaos brought me the calm.
The noise brought me the quiet.
The people brought me the peace.
I was lost in the big crowd and found my way to my innermost thoughts and connected with some feelings that were pushed under the rug long time.. It was exhilarating and tranquil at the same time!
My walk back to the union station was more exciting than i thought it would be. As i took those last few steps alone in the dark alley - 2 female faces emerged from another corner and guided me to the main entrance of the union station when tech was too slow and almost failed me. As I ran and caught the last decent hour train back home - i remembered the infamous dialogue from the Bollywood movie - Ja simran ja.. It was like I granted that day to myself and allowed to live for myself. Those few hours enjoying the city and the beauty of the city without any itinerary questions or irritated fellow travelers was like a long time dream come true. Have already picked the places i want my family to see with me next time and the thought of returning to the city once again next summer is already exciting…. Until next time….
Enjoy your company… Solace doesn’t need to be lonely!
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