Reflections Of A Desi Mom

  When I applied for my PTO few months back it was supposed to hang out with N and spend time with her. With barely 1 good month of summer holidays she has lot of stuff that she wants to do on her own that may or may not involve me. When I realized she doesn’t want to go to downtown and do the usual spiel that i like to do every odd summer i took off on my own. Yes it was a solo mini one day trip to the City of Chicago.  If there’s anything I like more than being in Ahmedabad or Pune, India now - I think it is to roam around in Chicago downtown. I started after a doctor’s appointment with J dropping me to catch the 1:30 pm metra.  Found some aunties finding each other and chatting like they used to on trains and buses in India and thought “oh, I need sometime to be with my thoughts I am probably better off away from the group. After boarding the train I found myself in a very warm compartment where the windows kept making the compartment hotter with every passing minute. ...

 A few weeks back J went in our 14 year old daughter's room and was shocked to see a yellow basket with a tiny bow filled with makeup and skin care products. He came out with sad eyes and said - "N beta seriously! Just a few years ago, your baskets were filled with toys and you are already old enough to replace them with makeup???!!!" N smiled and perhaps slightly cringed as well as she misses her old childhood days too sometimes. For me it was like a whole transition reel that went in front of my eyes. From a basket that was filled with nappies to toys to board books to stationery and now to makeup! It was like a very fast slideshow that ran in a loop in front of my eyes. Not that I wasn't here when this transition was taking place - but sometimes it just hits you hard! But here it is - the basket is now filled with basic makeup and skin care products which are going to stay for a very long time :-)  The first three transitions came very easy to me as a mom - I had s...

I started talking to a friend whom I haven't spoken in a while and realized I never wrote all my thoughts that I wanted to this past month.  Okay let's see - Let me back up a little and go to the beginning of the year where things didn't look so bright for many reasons. Without divulging many details, all I would say is - a big collection of dark clouds started making its presence on my family without warning or intimation. Fair enough - in all these years of counting the candles on the cake and having role models like my mom - I have learnt to not give up, give in or loose the battle without a fight.  Spring The Navratri that came in Spring  came when I was beginning to feel the twinge of despair. It was not an easy time. Having your own struggles is way different than seeing your own struggling! And I know moms reading this will be nodding their heads. But there was a hint of faith in what my Nanaji used to say and I heard the story enough number of times to rekindle th...

  When the time is right!   When is the time right?  When does a mom know her child is ready to spread their wings and fly without her?  Does that time ever come?  When does a mom feel confident enough to let her precious child leave her finger and go on their own?  Is there ever a time so right?  And when that time looms over - You oh Mamma!,  are you willing to go down fighting and crying ?  or  you build the strength in you to rise up and empower your young to choose wisely…? be ready for the worst…?! enjoy the freedom…?! Rise Above!? Fly High!!? I chose the latter. Baby Steps… little grocery runs to the store round the corner. On foot or on the rusty old bike!  Following her hoping she wouldn’t notice me or our shiny blue car swirling away from her. But she does!  She chooses to confront and let me know she knows!  I laugh and admit! Walk along with her and also watch her from a distance!  Watch her take those big...

                                                                          I cannot believe it has been 2 years and some that I last wrote here..  Life changed so much since! I think in the attempt to catch up and on I wasn't able to gather thoughts & time together to sit and write. Have always been big on emotions.. the smallest thing with the biggest impact! And with so much happening in the last 2 years... It's hard to keep up.  I know quite a few of you kept liking my FB/Instagram posts that shared small and big changes that we as a family came across - but motherhood I feel wasn't best captured in those few lines and pictures. N has given me a hard time asking why I don't write and follow my passion anymore.. And honestly there's no excuse. So here I am...

  As I watched many reels of saying goodbye to 2022 and made a couple of my own it practically dawned on me that this year is coming to an end in just few more hours.  It was a year of enormous change for me as a person and us as a family. Even though we moved to another country in late 2021 the side effects trickled down to the beginning of 2022. It became a struggle to survive socially, emotionally and we all were a beginning to feel the twinge of covid + move + all the seasonal depression times 3! We had started to almost give up when came summer and just like the trees around us were filled with bounty our hearts were filled with joy and started to feel a lot less lighter. The sunlight, the long drives together, the fun and laughter with family visits, the innumerable dips in the pool helped us to see the country in a different light altogether. And just like that in the middle of all the chaos came the idea of moving AGAIN! But something had snapped inside. And it had mad...

  This week we completed 8 months of relocating to a different country. So much has changed yet so much remains the same! This is 1 thought that I cannot brush off when I think about life after moving.  I wanted to write so much from so long but was extremely emotional about everything. I knew if I started to write I would break down inconsolably which was the last thing I wanted to do with a pre-teen daughter who has been on a roller coaster ride since the beginning of this move. Now that so much time has passed I have accepted the change. As many of you know we wanted to make this move pre-covid but as luck would have it, it got delayed for the longest time and the visa interview opened up just when I  was about to give up. I think only 2 people were 100% sure that this move will happen. One was my friend A and none other than N. And see how the stars aligned for N's ichcha-shakti (wishful thinking) we got our appointment date on the date when A was making her big move!...