Makeup and More..

 A few weeks back J went in our 14 year old daughter's room and was shocked to see a yellow basket with a tiny bow filled with makeup and skin care products. He came out with sad eyes and said - "N beta seriously! Just a few years ago, your baskets were filled with toys and you are already old enough to replace them with makeup???!!!"

N smiled and perhaps slightly cringed as well as she misses her old childhood days too sometimes. For me it was like a whole transition reel that went in front of my eyes. From a basket that was filled with nappies to toys to board books to stationery and now to makeup! It was like a very fast slideshow that ran in a loop in front of my eyes. Not that I wasn't here when this transition was taking place - but sometimes it just hits you hard! But here it is - the basket is now filled with basic makeup and skin care products which are going to stay for a very long time :-) 

The first three transitions came very easy to me as a mom - I had seen my mom and many other females in the fam/friend circle doing it. Books came very intuitively in N's lives. As soon as she was able to sit - she had her first board book in her hand. But the makeup transition didn't come very easily to me. Even skin care for that matter. 

For the longest time - skin care meant wash your face with your bath soap and every once in a while get a nice facial in a salon while in India. I gradually learnt the tips and tricks of how to keep my skin not just hydrated but also fresh and young(er). Believe me there are miles to go on that track but anyways. So naturally, makeup was the last of my priorities in life. It was only a mandatory thing when I had to go on stage for some reason. And this I am talking about until I was in my 30s. Kajal and a brown lipstick were my best friends. A phase that had me using Lakme eye liner is almost diminished in my memory. I remember when my sister saw me adorning a pinkish brown lipstick she was shocked! 

When N wanted to experiment with skin care - I was not just overwhelmed but also intimidated. Suddenly the gentle cleanser and once in a while scrub wasn't doing justice to her skin anymore. I didn't know how to advice or help her at all. Then we started reading and watching videos on how and what to pick. I took an extremely long time to come terms to the fact that it's okay to apply derm tested products on your skin on a daily basis. I still feel sticking to aloe gel and a toner is better - but then who am I to question those unending derm influencers and doctors shooting darts on today's teens brains? So after a lot of asking around and taking help from sister, teen moms and science backed research - we are finally set on a basic skin care routine that works for her skin. I think she is happy with it - but then time will only tell! LOL 

Over the years, I have observed how significant it is to look flawless for people especially in the western countries. Growing up I saw my mom just adorning a brown shade lipstick and looking gorgeous so this was uncharted territory for me for a very long time. But slowly, after experimenting with some basic makeup techniques I realized - its not always about showing off. It is also how we feel about ourselves when we see our reflections in the mirror that is already biased by all the screens we have in our lives. The scars and wrinkles that age gifts to you over your birthdays - have no place in this clean looking - jaw dropping - sometimes pretentious beauty obsessed world. So when you feel out of place in a meeting room or stage because every other lady/girl is looking just perfect - you tend to feel insecure, intimidated and believe it or not slightly invisible!! Yes - your talent and skills and knowledge cannot be replaced - but in spite of having all of this in your kitty - you get a sense of prejudice towards your own self. 

That's when we started getting hiccups to experiment with stage makeup. Before we dwelled into this, classic reactions to her chorus performance photos and videos would be - "my hair looks bleh", "I don't like my picture", "xyz is looking so beautiful".. Being a beautiful and confident singer she never said it in so many words but from my own experience and observation - I knew there was a vacuum that needed to be addressed. When I offered my measly makeup products it was met with cringe eye rolls and "Eww I want to keep it simple, just the lip balm for me." or "If you want I will put it." I quickly realized its not going to work. The time to address the upcoming disaster is now before it becomes one!

So before a big day time stage performance I gathered my instagram knowledge and made my 2nd trip to the mall to try makeup - this time for N. 1st and only one for me was more than a decade back, when the white makeup rep did my face with the foundation she thought was perfect and it made me look like a ghost. Don't want to sound racist - but she didn't know or have the right foundation for a wheatish Indian skin tone!!

We were met with another white makeup rep who was sweet and genuinely wanted to help, understood our requirement but then passed on a comment stating something like using makeup will make N look prettier. And there - her credibility was instantly shot in N's eyes. And rightfully so. For all her childhood we emphasized that beauty should be inside out and not just picture perfect. It took a darker skin African-American makeup rep to understand that N didn't want another pink lipcolor from her mom's kitty. And also that N didn't need it to look pretty(ier) - She wanted the right color on her face for stage! She needed something that suits her skin tone and sits right in blinding stage lights or day light. This kind rep saved the makeup trip and the cause! Similarly, it took an Indian dusky skin toned young influencer to point me in the right direction for the correct shade of blush to use. Luckily she was promoting an international brand so I could find it here. After multiple "Add to Carts" we were able to finally assemble a kit just for N's skin tone, purpose and most important comfort and liking!! 

When she put that makeup on the first time - her dad refused to look at her again - because he couldn't bear the fact that his little baby princess is at this juncture already. But to me - she looked precious. I could see how beautifully she is blossoming and how well composed her makeup looked just like her dance steps and voice.  I was proud of her and her adaptability. I am in awe of how applying that liquid foundation and tailed eye liner comes so naturally to her. The confidence boost that she got while performing in broad daylight in front of 500 strangers, it was clearly visible in her dance steps and smile. And no - it was not just the makeup. It was also the unending rehearsals she put up with her group mates and individually, that helped her be so graceful in something that is not her comfort zone. 

Adding the right accessories and makeup is like helping the person and their talent shine brighter and perform stronger. Be it a stage, party or a board meeting. But you need to know where to draw the line for yourself. The frequency, intensity all depends on your age, profession, personality and values. I am completely against adolescent girls hauling Sephora products or buying things blindly cos they think the influencer on screen knows the best. No. Listen to your mom, sister, friend, confidante. Listen to your body, your needs, your expressions. Not every occasion needs you to be looking flawless. Looking beautiful should be inside and outside - in that order! Having the perfect complexion or lip color but a dull mind, stupid actions or dark heart will only lead you to misery today or tomorrow. The ask for today is BALANCE. You need to strike that balance in what you learn, deliver, perform and look! 

If I may request humbly -

For all the moms out there who send their 8-9 year olds to the mall with apple pay or credit cards - please let them be their age for a little while longer - please hold on to the chemicals until its absolutely necessary. 

For all the moms who have teenagers and have not let them apply even a speck of eye shadow or lip color until now - please reconsider for special occasions. The values that worked for us may not necessarily work for our next generation. They are global citizens trying very hard to fit their identity in this crazy blinding race and tread confidently for their future goals. They look up to you whether they admit it or not. BTDT - N used to see me being simple all the time and it reflected in her clothing and accessorizing. When I started experimenting with brighter shades, more finery and also a little more makeup - that's when she started normalizing it.

For all the moms who are able to strike the balance at the right time and help their little girls groom and bloom confidently inside out - hats off to you! More power to you!  I hope to continue following your lead and continue looking up to. 

I enjoyed having a GRWM session with N this past Navratri and it was just one of the many things my mom heart was waiting for to do with my princess :-) 

#momreflections #reflectionsmom #reflectionsofadesimom