My Child's Wants...

Last week - one of the harder mornings - I woke up reading this headline in my feed..

i-love-you-enough-to-not-give-you-everything-you-want

It woke me up in the way my alarm cannot. "How come my thoughts were echoing in my feed without me writing anything so far?" were my thoughts in the half awakened state. 

I had to re-read the article couple of times to comprehend that the writer has said pretty much everything that most parents do or think. At least the ones I know of. 

At the same time, I also know of parents who don't seem to believe in the funda anymore. 

Ok - for those who didn't have the patience to read the above article (I will take it as a compliment 😉 'cos you are so much keen on reading my post 😄 ) .. but the topic today is - I will Not give Everything my child WANTS. 

1. Our generation is a lot different than our forefathers. 
2. We don't believe in only fulfilling needs these days. 
3. Our wants play a very important role when it comes to driving the household as well as economy. 
4. Aren't we capable enough to give just this much to our only child?
5. All my child's friends have the latest toy/game.. I can afford that right now..so I will buy. 
6. Just fulfilling needs is so low-class. 
7. Just this 1 time and from now on I will not indulge in these expensive wants of my child.
8. I really don't have the time to spend...at least he/she is happy if we shop at the mall every other weekend. 
9. I cannot listen to those whines and cries for the demand anymore. Its easier to just give in.
10. If I didn't have such luxuries growing up - at least my child(ren) should have...

I can bet each one of you from my generation, reading this was nodding on 1 or more of these above reasons. I am so sure because I did too. At 1 point or other I have thought about these reasons when N was arguing with her thoughts/lungs/eyes/feelings on getting those un-essential demands to be met. Believe me, she has. And we have fulfilled that on more than 1 occasions. 

But does it stop there? Do our kids feel extremely gratified and content on getting those so-much-wanted-things and are forever indebted to us??? Heck NO. If you have such a child - Pat yourself double on your back and go Thank God for having such a saint in your family 🙏👅

The larger truth is we don't have those saints. Because we ourselves are not. Often we indulge in buying things that we don't NEED/REQUIRE on an urgent basis. Then we don't know what to do with the already existing alternative to it. Or its difficult to stuff it in the closet or drawer. We all give in to the commercial state-of-affairs every once in a while. So why our kids cannot do the same? 

• Because we want them to be better than us? 
• Because they cannot justify their expectations against the money spent? 
• Because we want them to know the value of hard work, persistence and patience?
• Because we want them to recognize the worth of things and are able to eventually justify their wants?
• Because when they grow up they can differentiate clearly between NEEDS and WANTS and become capable of fulfilling both?

YES! In most cases it's all of the above. The situation might differ.. But essentially we all want our kids to have a healthy body, mind and heart. And if you think you too - give yourself some space and time to think which WANT will you fulfill this week/month? And which are the ones that have to go through the test of time. 

In the last couple of years...some she had to work hard for. And some she got because we thought it was beneficial.. 

The pony fad! When almost everyone in the girl gang had it and she just had to have it. (N's Lesson - I should have opted for a more interactive game.. I can hardly do anything with this)

Sofia bedsheet.. Since I have a new bed, can I pretty please have this? I will never ask again
(puppy eyes in the home shop) We bought and she has loved every night on it.. And hasn't asked to buy another yet!

Up-Down Sequence T. Awww Mom its sooo cute. Mom gives a glare. Turns to Dad.. Can I pleaaaaase have it. I really like it. Mom n Dad smile at the innocent face and Voila.. (she has got 4 more sequence t shirts after that but only after working towards it)

N broke the previous bottle of perfume while lifting it with its cap. She was full of remorse. Sad. And scared to tell Dad cos he will get hurt. Finally managed to confront. Apologised profusely and accepted the mistake. Dad got another bottle on the next trip and N has not asked even once to keep it in her closet. Nicely asks to use it on occasions. Lesson learnt!

N was in need of good shoes. Looked around in local and national brand stores. Checked out the above on fluke. She was in love with them. Wanted this pattern didn't have a size. Looked some more and got the exact size in the outlet. Was explained that they cannot be used in garden or misused since costed a lot more than most of her shoes. Has kept her word and bounces off everytime she wears it!

There is a doll she is pining for. She has to earn it. Has been working hard for it. Trying to win skating races and doing her chores. Doesn't come easy. And frustrations take over in the best of times... It's certainly not easy. Except for few things here n there I don't indulge in very expensive things for N till WE think she deserves them. 

Not giving in often comes at a price.
"You are a mean Mom."

"You never buy what I want to"
"Why can't I also have the same toy/set/thing" 

"Can I please have it this 1 time and I will never ask for anything again" 

And the negotiation continues... 

But when I see her not being dependent on these things for being happy and working for others - I think I am on the right track. 

Tell me your reasons to fulfill the wants every once in a while...

And I would love to hear what kiddos have to say when the demands are not met (if any)!!!

If you find it difficult to comment on the blog you can always comment on the FB post associated with this blog post at 
My Child's Wants - FB Post