Looks are Deceiving

I had a video call with 2 people today and the first thing after the initial pleasantries was 

"What is wrong with your face? Why don't you go see a doctor?" 

Another quite younger than me chirped - 

"___ you are getting old!" 

With severe allergies this season, my only karta-dharta is Allegra which helps me not to sneeze but I have started to feel like a puffer fish now...

Anyhow I laughed out both the comments but it kept me thinking .. how limited our social system outlook is even now. The way we perceive people is still largely on the basis of their looks. If the person has flawless skin and beautiful eyes along with smooth healthy hair they are instinctively perceived as happy and full of life. Whereas when a person has (more)salt n (lesser)pepper hair, wrinkles setting their roots under their exhausted eyes and no-makeup face - they are prejudiced to be getting old and something seriously wrong with their outer beauty. 

I think either of the lens is flawed and full of notions. 

I will give another example. 

I was watching Ratan Tata on National Geographic's Mega Icons and saw Deepika Padukone in the series. Made me wonder how they shared the same league. And then out of curiosity I watched her episode too. The flawless beauty with big brown eyes and having all the money n fame she could have had, stood in front of the camera and talked about her clinical depression. It was her ability to get out of that phase in life, rise higher and influence other people positively - that gave her similar respect and space. 

That's when my mind did a somersault. 

It hit me how bigoted our society is when it comes to looks and physical appearance of a person. 

I would like to dig deeper in the philosophy that a human's eyes are the window to their soul. If the eyes are tired - does it mean the soul is too? Or if the eyes are shining with bright happiness and inner joy but the wrinkles below don't support them - does it mean that the person is falling into some mental illness. 

And if a person has issues with their mental health - why are they seen as lost causes? 

Why is it so difficult for us to realize that depression is not a lucid term to be used for every small issue? It is a serious problem that needs to be addressed with love n care. Why is it when you see a person's looks changing dramatically over a period of time - we don't pause and ask the person - "How are you doing?" Out of habit we usually get the reply - "Good. How about you?" But why don't we really pause and observe and ask again 

"How are you actually doing?" 

"Is everything ok?" 

"I don't want to be rude or mean, but your eyes look tired. I hope you are not under any stress."

"Your skin used to look so radiant a while back..Are you sleeping ok?"

Chances are the person will speak. As much as nice comments are welcome - a sympathetic question asked with genuine care will touch the right place too. 

In this world of Instagram Filters n Followers and Facebook likes, we all seem to be in a race of sharing all the happy moments, lively stuff, enjoyable situations, picturesque locations but very rarely we open our heart out and say - 

"I am not Ok."

"I don't feel good."

"I feel like crying."

"I feel like running away."

"___ makes me sad." 

It is about time we take a little pause. If this Covid and lockdown has taught us somethings - slowing down and observing should be amongst the top few. Observe. If we feel the person is looking different, ageing too quickly, looking tired and exhausted - 

PAUSE. 

ASK. 

ASK AGAIN!

ASSURE.

And even if all we see is happy smiles and honey laced moments on social media - It won't hurt to 

PAUSE.

ASK. 

ASK AGAIN! 

ASSURE.

Let's together put less focus on how we appear and look and how we feel and think. As someone has rightly said, 'Looks are Deceiving' - let's not forget not every good looking person is happy from within and a tired looking person can be more than just physically exhausted. 

Even if we can reduce 1 person from the statistics of people suffering from mental health issues - I think its more than enough. Even if we reduce our daily messaging on favorite whatsapp groups and pick up the phone and ask 1 person 'How they really are?' - I think we will feel more connected... And less Alone!

#askagain #dobarapoocho #lovelife #livelife #depression #mentalhealth #wellness #mentalhealthmatters #wellbeing #mindfulness #awareness #pause #ask 

-Mom.Reflections