Family!

Family! 

An often over rated but also underestimated concept. Stark contrast in itself. But so is a Family. 

Agar is duniya mein koi bhi cheez hai jo aksar nazar andaaz ki jaati hai lekin phir bhi mud ke dekho to apne paas milti hai to woh hai Family. 

Aur aksar iski qadr humein tab hoti hai jab woh humse bahot door chali jaati hai ya phir le li jaati hai. 

While watching Kapoor & Sons today, I almost cried myself twice. 1 when the lead character Tia cries on her birthday cos she misses her parents badly. And not just because they have passed away. But also because the last words she said to them were unpleasant, horrible and she can never ever change them. 

A very very simple thing but we often fail to follow.

Be it conversations or your day - Don't ever end them on a bitter note. You don't know if you will wake up to see or have another one. 

This pandemic has made us all sit on the edge for a lot of things. Fear of losing our beloved or seeing them in pain is perhaps the worst. As moms, I think the protective instinct kicks in naturally when we feel its ok if we fall sick but nobody else should. On the contrary I think, if the mom of the house falls sick - the house stops to function in many ways. The pressure of being Ok.. keeping everyone Ok...just keeps building especially in times like these. I have been carrying this heavy heart for many days now - I also don't know why - but something inside is too heavy to be carried around. Something inside just wants to let all the dams break and tears flow without any reason. No. Its not anxiety or depression. I think its being overwhelmed. Overwhelmed because of a lot of things. Couple of days ago, my friend asked the meaning of my DP..all I could say was that's how my mind feels right now. Chaotic, jumbled and a foggy. 

When I saw the last half n hour of the movie I think the untimely death of the pivotal character probably just broke that dam. Yes I know its a movie. Call me an emotional fool for crying over a movie. But it was only a trigger for all the big, huge emotions that I was carrying around for a while. 

The tears help clear the fog. They take away the chaos with them while flowing freely. And now I feel better. I can see tomorrow with clarity. I know I am only going to get 4+ hours of measly sleep but I still feel energized cos I know my next steps. And yesterday's helped me carve out my way to tomorrow's. 

 I don't know when will this era of Covid end. I don't know what all will succumb to it. But I do know that irrespective of the situation - 2 things are going to be stable and ever lasting. My Family and My quest to be a little better than yesterday. Don't believe in Competition. But there is room for constant improvement! 1 thing that this Lockdown has helped me learn is to be aware and to be conscious. Not to just what my loved ones are feeling but also to what I am. Often in the middle of running about we forget to pay attention on our own thoughts and feelings. If not dealt at the right time - they tend to hurt like a shoe bite. So, its better to pour yourself a glass of rum n coke and cry your heart out  and let the tears wash away the bitterness and anger with them.. instead of letting your emotions over power you! 

Let your family hold you, support you and love you exactly the way you love them! Because no matter how much crazy and crooked - after all its Family and its ours!