Happy Fresh Year
Ok. Hello again! After weeks.. umm months!
Yes. People take sabbaticals when they are not ready for something. This was mine.
I essentially started this blog to share happy, healthy and a joyful journey of motherhood with my readers. But with the last 2 blog posts - I only vented. Which wasn't healthy. Then other stuff happened, and then some more ugly stuff happened.
Not getting into the gory details of the ugliness, let's come to the point! LOL
Have you ever experienced a lull and then it gets on your nerves so much that you want to change that? Not just get out of the lull but ......
also change your entire surrounding...
surround yourself with only positivity...
cut the crap of the negativity that has been engulfing??
Perhaps you do.. and Perhaps you don't. Perhaps its an on going process for most. People keep detoxing their bodies, mind and surroundings. Unfortunately, I have been an extremist. And I take no shame in accepting that I take a hell lot of time to accept that there is a problem and I need to work on that.
Last couple of months, I have been consciously putting a lot of efforts to get stuff back in order with N. Yes, they went haywire. She is growing up and sometimes its hard for my mommy skills to match pace with her mind that is growing faster than a normal 8 yr old's would. All the efforts were draining me not only physically but also emotionally. I had consciously cut out my vent out system and it was hard to be on your own! Believe me, for a SAHM to not have any adult conversation in the entire day - is not a very pretty thing at all. Yes, a good profile corporate career of DH, adds on to the silence of the house!
No! Its not madness. Its a way not to take out your frustration on your loved ones. And it was amazing. It reconnected me to something that I enjoyed, loved and found absolute thrill in, many many years ago. Perhaps another lifetime!!
And I wanted to experience that thing again. I took my time to get in touch with people whom I could take help from. But found myself tooooo rigid, tooo inflexible and too much tired to take it up. But that thing gives me immense pleasure. And no. I won't be talking about it right away. Because I jinx things whenever I am excited about something. I will share when I am able to achieve the goal that has been set. The goal is becoming my zidd, my hath right now and I am loving it. Its like the teenage love that you don't want anybody to find out.. And want to treasure it as much as you can quietly, hoping that tomorrow will be your lucky day!!!
But for now, let's stick to something that is going to help me achieve that goal.
Over the last 2 decades 1 thing had helped me on various occasions. It has been Yoga. When I developed serious back ache before even I got married, it was my Mom's Yoga Teacher who took me in her overflowing class and taught me the asanas to help me ease out the pain. All this after various physio sessions, uncountable medicines and heat packs. And it worked like MAGIC. I was not only relieved but didn't get back that kind of pain for many years. Until N started going to school and I started driving the 2 wheeler again. My again-rigid muscles gave up very quickly. I went back to Yoga and like a faithful friend, it was there to help again. But this time I enjoyed the quieter moments of Pranayama and Shavasana the most...so much that I used to fall asleep during those. :-D And then like a dis-loyal friend I left its hand again cos of the pressures of building a house, preparing for sister's marriage and office work was just too much to handle. Felt like..spoke about.. but the inertia of getting out of the set monotonous routine was too much even in the months/years thereafter.
And then the above happened. I had wowed beginning of the year, that whatever my location/situation is - I will make sure that it will be a positive year - nothing like the previous 2nd half. So i had to do something...much before the 1st month ended. So I picked it up again.
When I went to inquire at a Yoga class y'day I was told that on the occasion of Ratha Saptami ( Lord Sun's Birthday) the class will be performing only Surya Namaskars. And its ok to join on Monday. But something clicked otherwise. I wanted to start from today itself. In spite of the fact, that nothing was ready.. I was hell bent to start it today. And that was the only determination that knocked off the inertia. So as the Upma for DH simmered on the stove, I pulled out my rugged and twisted yoga mat from the loft and drove myself before I found another reason to do otherwise. :-D (Yes i usually have the tendency to do that. But it was a different feeling today!! Remember the bigger goal!! :-D)
After more than 2 years, doing the 2nd set of Surya Namaskar was hard.. but it was harder to lie down on the yoga mat on my back and feel every inch of my spine get straightened. F*** It hurt! But then I got up again. And did 2 sets more..whereas my fellow classmates completed 9 whole sets -12 each i.e. 108 Surya Namaskars as an offering to Lord Surya. I promised myself - next Ratha Saptami, I will also complete 108. That's the smaller target!
So friends, I am going to be bore you with all the progress that I make over the coming months and all the Sh***s and F***s I utter.. during and after class. But I hope to undertake this journey head-on. Because the final goal and the bigger target is something else - something much more fulfilling! And believe me, you all - I am going to make a big deal out of it, when I reach my goal of doing what I have always loved!!!!
Here's to a Very Very Happy next 11 months of 2020!!
Comments