Charm of Communication

What is the 1 thing that is going to leave a lasting impact on your children and your relationship with them? 
What makes or breaks the situation when your 5 year old is trying to press your buttons? What comforts a 2 year old when she finds herself in a pre-school environment the 1st week and almost hates it?

These kinds of questions we never ask ourselves while parenting our first-borns or even the next. Certainly not before we become parents. But there are often times when we question ourselves..our style of parenting... if we are doing it right or not.. and all the guilt wading through in difficult situations.

In the 7 years of being a parent if there is one thing that has never missed a chance to  make an impact - good or bad is - Communication.

J (my dear husband) would shrug off - so what's the big deal about it. It is indeed the most important ingredient of all relationships, he will say! And as much as I don't like to admit - He is right! 😜

But do we monitor our communication with them at an early age?

Does our style of talking differ when we are stressed out about something?

Of course it does! We are human beings. Moms especially deal with all kind of issues day in and day out. With the multi-tasking that is required out of us - we need to be efficient as well as successful.

Some things apart from parenting websites are bombarded with and those have helped me are -

- Make eye contact and talk to her. Not at her. She tends to listen and pay attention and also remember what I had said a few days and months ago. That 1 small sentence is worth more than 20 in blabbering or talking without attention.

-Answer the dreaded "Y".

I  know. 😇 People think I am crazy sometimes to answer all her Ys. Heck I think I am crazy to do that. And often the awful thing also comes out of my mouth "Because I said So." But over the years I have seen her logic build and curiosity maintained. I know its tough now but I am only crossing my fingers that its going to reap the benefits later.

-Avoid Lying. Even in the most delicate situations I have tried to be truthful to her. Apart from the silly fibs like "Buddha Baba" we use with smaller and picky eaters.. or "Internet is down so video won't work" when gadget time is getting too much - I have found saying the truth often helps more in the long run. When lying is not acceptable and I can't tell her the truth - I try to avoid answering by telling her honestly "I want to tell you but you are young so won't. When you are old enough I will tell you." Luckily she knows by now and doesn't make a fuss out of it.

-Don't hide your emotions too much. 

I will take heat on that perhaps. I have known few moms who do not show off their emotions happy or sad in front of kids. Nothing wrong in that. Its how they are built. But I cannot work like that. My grumpy side ☹️ is more to be seen than my jovial one - but I have not hesitated to cry for being happy or sad in front of N. She kind of takes from her Dad to play it cool and not be affected by too many emotions... but I know deep down she likes to share hers as well as mine.

-Listen. And Only Listen. Without distractions. This I am working on very very consciously - Again! When N had started to speak I was a very good listener. But over the period of time it had started to fade. Not something I am proud of. So now when she starts talking to me - even if its a complaint, whine or rant - I try with all my might to keep my phone or spatula or laptop down to just bring myself in full attention to her. It is by far the most crucial thing for them. So not only does it leave an impact - it helps. She knows I am there. Its hard... but VERY important. 👆

I can write and talk endlessly on this because as and how I type - there are so many other things that cross my mind. However, I think these will be the most important in Any Situation.. Any Age..Any Phase! Might add on later!

Let me hear from you what helps you to keep the communication lines open with your child.